TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF...

It so sad that I have this thing and forget about it about 99% of the time. But for the past couple of months I have experienced several growing pains. Most of you may think... "Hmmm, that doesn't seem like thats too good", but you are wrong. As my chronological age increases, so do my thoughts. I think about my future, (money, graduate school, commitment, and the most important one, stability), all in that exact order.  Lately, my brain has been on the topic relationships. 

As women , ( especially ones who have encountered some bad experiences with men), we all have the tendency to place our hearts under lock and key until someone we feel is worthy comes along. I happen to be one of these young women. Even though I always have an open mind while I'm getting to know someone new, my guard is always up. And although this may come as a surprise to some of my readers, (many of you may know me), dating is extremely scary for me.  While the fear of a broken heart sits in the back of my mind, I fear not being able to live up to one's expectations of me and being judged for who I am. The process of dating makes me uneasy and uncertain. Doesn't matter how much I may like the person or how many great qualities he may exhibit, I'm always in a state of uncertainty. 

Last year this all changed for me, I was sure I met someone who was different and everything just seemed to damn good to be to true. I was certain that he would be good to me, all of me. This is, of course, based on the qualities I wish for a man who I am dating to possess.  For damn near 6 months we were like two peas in a pod ,outside of his busy schedule. We went on dates, spoke on the phone, of course,texted each other constantly , and even spent the majority of my weekends in Summer 2011 on a park bench or some bleachers. Then, eventually got to know each others' families.YEAP, back and forth traveling from one borough to the next for almost a over a year. Then BOOM... suddenly all that stopped... except for the constant text message throughout the day.  WTF !? Yes, I said that too as I tried to figure where in the hell I went wrong. Silly me, there I go trying to be the best I could for a person who was not reciprocating the same effort or concern.So, I stopped.  I stopped trying to to figure out why and how things could go wrong while things seemed to be so great , or so I thought. I did not want to fix things or make things better because I did not know what the issue was other than his schedule and a bunch of excuses.  I was hurt and angry because he could not provide with any answer to any questions outside his usual reply "I always been busy".  I was not mad at his response, I was mad because I truly believe that at he had no idea how to be in a "real" relationship. I didn't mind showing him but as the saying goes , " You can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink it."

Its funny because all over these social networks, ( Facebook, twitter, Instagram), you see guys and girls saying they want this and they want out of a relationship. Many of these people don't know the first thing about being in a relationship and many have not been one person long enough to have an opinion on what a possible mate should be like. We all have these ideas and opinions that the media/technology and our environment has exposed us to instead of the reality of a relationship could possibly be like. So we take these ideas/opinions into our relationships without evaluating the likelihood of those things really happening. 

Over the years,  although I tend to think about what the future has in store for me, I have learned to let things be. For months I sat around trying to figure all the things and the "shoulda, woulda, coulda's" but , eventually I woke up and realized that maybe its not in God's Plan. Surely, I am no relationship expert and can only speak of my previous experiences but I can truly say that my experiences have forced me to look at myself piece by piece. I am living and learning everyday , and for that  I am truly grateful.  It is important that we , (males and/or females ), always take the time re-evaulate ourselves and our actions. And at the same time, (keep in mind), although we may have several questions... most of them may go unanswered.

Two Parents or One ....

"What is better, two parents or one ? " is a question that i was asked to answer a couple weeks back . The question really stuck with me. As it may come to no one's surprise, I responded both. I guess this is because I was raised in single-parent home, and as a child I would envy those who had both parents around.  None the less, I do believe one strong parent is good enough too. 

 Although I do not have children of my own, I do believe a parent who is well grounded, strong-willed, and has the ability to guide their child on the right path, can raise that child to be successful.  25% of black population's children are raised in single parent homes. SAD BUT EXTREMELY TRUE !!!  And even though the other 75% don't have both parents present, some have still managed to graduate college, become successful lawyers, doctors, etc.(This is not saying that children who are raised in homes with both parents cannot turn out to be some effed up individuals. The stats say and have proven that it  is less likely.) Being a product of a single parent home there were several times when I struggled with understanding, and sometimes not understanding, why my father was/is never around.  I also thought about whether or not i would be a better person than I currently am. Despite his absence, like several other mothers around the world, my mother still expected to be all that i could be. 

 Despite the several things that a mother can provide her child with , she will NEVER be able to provide him/her with the type of love a father can give.  A man's delivery is totally different. Several young men and women have no idea what that love is.  In response to their ignorance, we begin to form our opinions about a man's love and they ways in which it should be displayed.  We have boys who don't understand what being a man is about, and what is expected of them. On the other hand, you have girl's looking for love from these boys who think they are men, yet neither one really have no clue. 

 I will like to make sure that you all, (my readers), do not think I'm here to bash single parents. I want us to realize and reflect on this, (what seems to be a),never ending cycle. I am proud to be a  product of a single-parent home and wouldn't change it for the world. But I  do wish that I can say my father was there, instead of just a father-figure. I have never had the opportunity to know what a father's love is like personally, and I do, at times, wish i did. Many of you reading this may or may not be able to relate. And if you cannot, I'm sure you know someone who can.  

 

Answer this question ..."Both parents or one?"

A New Chapter...Growtth, Dedication, & Maturity.

It was my mother who taught us to stand up to our problems, not only in the world around us but in ourselves.-Dorothy Pitman Hughes

  
For the past two years I could not wait until the day I would have the opportunity to attend my own commencement.  At the beginning of each semester, I  remember constantly being asked by family and  friends how much longer would l be in school for. My response was always, "Not much longer, just another year or so." I guess  giving the same answer to the "concerned" people the same helped to satisfy my own anxiety. (In fact, I have been giving that same response since my sophomore year of college, the same time i had gotten over campus life.) Before then, I even had this whole plan that by the age of 21,I would have both my bachelor's and my masters in Social Work. HA!!, clearly my life didn't go as planned. Because at the age of 22, (going on 23), I have just obtained my bachelor's degree, in one of the most rigorous programs, known Speech Language Pathology.  In my junior year, i decided to change my major from Social Work to Speech Language Pathology. This  is after being told by several professors that i wouldn't be able to handle such a hard program, and I should change my major to Criminal Justice. In my opinion, changing my major to CRJ would have been taking the easy way out. Changing my major in my Junior year of college happened to be one of the best, but hardest decisions I have made in my life. I have NO REGRETS !! This is despite the many times I cried , and the several other times I called my mother and told her ,"I was done with the pointless BS classes and was going to dropout." But unlike alot of other people in the world, I did it and the feeling of my success is exhilarating. 

  College, (for me), equalled growth not independence. Completing my High School education at  a college preparatory boarding school had already taken care of my desire to be independent. Aside from independence, I was dedicated. I was not going to let anyone get in the way of my success. Do not get me wrong, being independent and wearing this tough skin, does not mean I didn't make mistakes. This is because  I was so independent that I was reluctant to ask for help when it was needed.  I was dedicated to  me , myself, and I.  Therefore, for every mistake I made , I paid a large personal consequence. These consequences only made me stronger.  But it also humbled me. I walked on CW Post campus with an "IDGAF, I been there, done that " attitude, but it changed quickly. I learned that being humble will get you much further in life. I wasn't little "trice" anymore. I was maturing into a young woman, and I AM EXTREMELY PROUD OF THAT.

     Maturity has allowed me to look at the world in more ways than just one, which in the past, was usually just mine.  My friendships and relationship with various family members has also been strengthened.  My tolerance and desire to take things slow has also increased. I am in no rush to do anything. And although it may sound cliche, I do believe that "good things do come to those who wait." My respect for my mother has grown 100% . It has also forced me to be more understanding when things do not go my way or don't go as planned. My patience and dedication to school for  5 years paid off.  I am ready to open a new chapter and enter this crazy real world that we all have to live in. I FEEL GREAT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO TRAVEL ON THIS PATH NAMED SUCCESS.